All is stardust (and everything else is love)
By Stevie Elepan
Marzo Regalo understood that only death awaited him on the other side of the hatch. Time slowed and so did his heart. He savored every breath, breathing in deeply and exhaling slower and slower. He thought for a moment of all the dreams unfulfilled and all the lives he had changed. He had not found what he originally sought out. Marzo looked back and took an inventory of his life. He saw the children he never had and the youth he had mentored. He saw the romantic relationships that failed and the good friends that loved him. Marzo could see every rotten deed he had ever committed and every life he had improved just by smiling. Betrayals both committed by others to him and those committed by him. Every lie accounted for and every truth ignored brought to light.
Marzo Regalo felt anger and sadness, then acceptance followed by an overwhelming sensation of love. Marzo could see every possible outcome every future ending in every timeline. We could see himself getting older, or having children, or rusting away in a prison cell. Every outcome was possible and happening in the moment. However, Marzo Regalo only existed in this one. This was the world in which he would die momentarily. Fear had him for a moment then came laughter. Today he would know how he would die. He would know if there was an afterlife and settle the ongoing debate.
Every bit of effort would go into this one and final act. There would be no redo, no second take. This would be a one way trip. This was graduation day. Every heartbreak and success, every slap in the mouth and kiss on the cheek was just a rehearsal for this very situation.
His tears flowed uncontrollably, this was Marzo’s moment of beauty. He had not lived the life he wanted but he was about to die the death he desired. It would all end with a bang and serve some sort of purpose. Marzo always believed that all he had to do was just one thing right and he could have it all, he could change the world.
It was the last day of sadness. School was out and he would not beg for his life. He would not let the gods see him be pitiful. If there were gods he would have some harsh words for them. He would scream at them like the bourgeois beings he envisioned them to be. Should they cast Marzo into hell, it would only be a matter of time before he found his way back to their doorstep. Marzo Regalo brushed aside any fantasies of telling off supreme beings, today he faced a titans.
By the end of it all he would find himself in deaths sweet cold embrace. No more joy or pain, just a nice long rest.
Marzo, body shaved and oiled from head to toe, armed with a machete, a small detonator. With a syringe in his arm he draws enough blood to paint a skull on his face. With the remaining blood on a small piece of paper he writes his death poem.
TOME LA COLINA
QUE NADIE TE NIEGE EL CIELO
Before him in his bit of madness he could see every lover and enemy ever bully and victim in his life no matter how brief or trivial the interaction was. He accepted their judgment and agreed that their words of damnation and praise were all true. Marzo had lived the life of a wretch and a saint. Like every other member of his species he appreciated that he was complex and never just one thing. He was a being in constant conflict with himself. Sometimes his tortured mind would take casualties. He would never be able to pay back all he had taken. Marzo could only hope that this finally act would make it all worth it for the universe.
He could hear the hordes working their way to opening the door. Marzo put on his armor and helmet only his bloodied face exposed. He folded the paper into his pocket knowing that if all went as planned no one would ever see the poem. There would be nothing left of him outside of the memories of any that survived to remember him. If Marzo made the grade today only the kind and compassionate would survive. Only the brave would bloom. It would be a new world he was making room for. A world that would not have him, nor would that would not have had a place for him but a world he helped make possible.
Today was the end of Marzo Regalo and the destruction of the world of yesterday. Child hood sci-fi fantasies and adult desperate desires for death all fused into one. How could he not laugh?
The end was getting the final bolt of the blast door open. This was it. Today was Marzo Regalo’ graduation.
The hatch gives way and the black armored assault team comes rushing in. Even in this instant Marzo cannot help but say something crazy and memorable for his own entertainment.
“HERE COMES THE HUGS CABRONE!”
The gas and bullets seem to do nothing to slow him down as he threw himself into the flood of commandos coming to in to stop Marzo and all he loved. Marzo slashes away desperately trying to hack into the armor of any in the way of his blade.
A still occupied black helmet and an unrelated black arm fall to the ground. Some ones hand hangs by the tendon. Several projectiles penetrated Marzo armor but by now the tactical assault has turned into an up close and personal brawl.
“YOU SHALL NOT PASS! YOU SHALL NOT PASS!” Marzo roars with laughter as he is, with great difficulty, brought down and subdued.
The adrenalin starts to quickly ware off. His muscles feel limp and week but the drive is still there to go on. As his muscles fail he is able to release his final blow. Marzo loosens his grip on the detonator and becomes part of a small sun. A miniature supernova consumes all in its reach. Marzo Regalo and those that sought to snuff his love are torn to atoms becoming that which everything and everyone in the universe is. All is stardust and everything else is love.