Obituary 20’s

I have survived three decades. I can’t say I enjoyed my twenties but I guess it was a time of major fuck ups , most of which I do not regret. Lets look at the shit I don’t regret list:

Enlisting in the infantry.

Getting myself fired by the ARMY.

Losing my virginity to three hookers on Thanksgiving.

Making out with my “friends” “girlfriend” and her best Lithuanian friend on the lawn of the Dali museum.

Quitting my bar back job to go to Culebra and live in a tent making eight bucks an hour.

Shadowing that drug dealer to write that story i never wrote because nothing happened worth writing about.

Becoming a poet.

Playing guitar for money and failing at it.

Not sleeping with that other guys girlfriend even though she was totally coming on to me. (Looking back I realize now they were poly , so it would have been ok, maybe.)

Leaving Culebra right before a turf war started there.

Getting tazerd three times so I could get a job.

Doing Stand up comedy

Dating some one way too young for me to be dating.

My first and very awkward threesome.

Self sabotaging my border patrol application at the last-minute.

Killing my mothers ottoman.

Being homeless in Mayaguez.

Moving back to Old San Juan.

Finding a shit load of twenties in a trash bag and not turning it in.

The two flight attendants.

Flying blind to Portland.

Gaining sixty pounds.

briefly experimenting with drugs and alcohol at twenty-eight.

Not fucking have the people I could because I have convictions and become flaccid in the presence of racist and/or bigoted assholes.

Buying a liter of rum the day before my 30th birthday and contemplating a list of shit I don’t regret.


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