HIGH SCHOOL PITY PARTY

I feel like I am living out a bit of high school poetry.

The kind that’s dark and obvious but sad and full of self pity.

“The only life worth living is a life of pain”

I Don’t know why she broke up with me or why she wont talk to me but I know she keeps that little bit of line dangling between us.

I know she sees me and every day I see her.

“Damn, you social network.”

In another time she would have ceased to exist.

She talks me some times in short riddles. She never answers my questions just leaves me more perplexed.

Is it age, is it culture, it social privilege that divides us?

Why is it so hard to look away?

Why is it so hard to make room in my heart for some one else?

Because I do not want to.

I made a place for her and no one else and she deemed it unworthy.

I do not know what she deemed it. She wont tell me.

I know nothing but that I grow cynical and cold.

My armor is harder but heavier

I know not how to fr myself and she will not cut the final cord.

I dangle but I am only hanging myself

The fog of midnight offers to carry me away.

But my love for keeps my feet on the bridge.

I would wait for her if she asked

I would wait

but not forever

I ride at night and seek adversity

ice and metal

anything to numb my pain

the tears do not freeze in the cold air but my heart cracks

brittle and locked up

she loved me once

then suddenly no more

like an empty can

tossed aside and crushed

waiting for some use

but will not wait forever.

You can’t be my friend but I could never be your lover

I know not where to go.

but this is not where i wish to wait

She said she loved me now she  doesn’t. She said it was no fault of my own. Then help me to let you go I begged.

Not my problem she said

I don’t even merit her hate

I am nothing in her universe

debris from the past

a lesson learned

the moral of a fable

I AM A NON PERSON

all this will pass and it will not matter between here and the sun or anywhere else

love is a passing thing for some

and we are all disposable

my heart will be yours no more and no one elses

There is no value you of synapses

if love is not worth the chemicals its composed of then everything else is an illusion

I will erase you. I will be dead to you.

I AM A NON PERSON

I will not hold you in my heart

 

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